Life

So here I am at Barnes & Noble, killing time before I go in to work. I got my butt up early and left the house without having any coffee, so I could get to the library before we open. I finished installing my exhibit, and I have to admit I'm nervous. It's never taken me this long to install, and I don't want it to seem like I half-assed anything. 

I have to remind myself the reason I took longer to install is because this is the first time I did it by myself. I started last week, slowly filling up my display areas, until finally I was able to go in early and finish. In years past I've been lucky that my mom was able to help out, but this year a confluence of events prevented this. 

I'm used to working under deadline and in chaos. I thought I had accepted the fact that there will always be something, so you can't put off creating, etc. until things calmed down. Nothing could have prepared me for this. The perfect crap storm of life is raining hell on me. I won't bore anyone with the details, but now I truly understand what trying to create (and just survive) in the midst of chaos, true chaos, really is. 

Just to be clear, this isn't a pitty party. In a way, I'm glad I'm experiencing this. It's teaching me to be more prepared, and to be more proactive. Life is a continual learning experience. If you're not learning from your experiences, you might as well be dead. 

So as I sit here drinking my Salted Caramel Mocha and finishing my Blueberry Scone, I feel grateful. I'm fully able to create, and I do. My art is showing and selling. I'm not dead. These things comfort me. 

As does my Salted Caramel Mocha.